All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
