So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
