so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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