Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
