We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
