I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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