I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
