I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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