I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The power of my boobs compel you
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
