Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
