so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
