Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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