I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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