when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
