matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
