If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
