I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
