so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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