Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
