I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
