i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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