two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
