I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
