This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
