my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
