seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
