Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
