brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
