I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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