Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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