M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
