fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
