You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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