I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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