Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
