can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
