like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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