I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
