I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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