I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
