I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
