apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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