Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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