I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
