I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
