i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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