My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
