you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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