So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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