Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
