MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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