If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize