I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
