She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
