do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
