I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
