I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
