A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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