I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
