...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
