watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
