I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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