During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
