let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
