and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
