I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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