My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
