May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
