his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
