9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
