Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
