I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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