so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
