i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
